Thursday, February 16, 2017

ANTIOCH WASP EXCLUSIVE!!! Woman Magically Imparts Personhood On Her Kidney-Stones

Woman Magically Imparts Personhood On Her Kidney Stones

ST. PETERSBURG, FA.- According to sources close to the local woman Angela Karter, the pro-choice supporter magically transferred personhood to her kidney stones yesterday afternoon. 

Karter claims that upon realizing the magical powers of her vagina, she decided to perform a simple experiment.  After swabbing some of her vagina juice, she applied them to her pile of wasted body parts and they immediately turned into people!! 

"I figured if my vagina can turn a clump of cells into a person, it might work on my kidney stones!" she told reporters. "Good thing, too! I was just about to throw them away..."

Protesters are lining the streets demanding that the kidney stones possessed life before their unprecedented baptism, much to the chagrin of Karter and her new babies. "The only way a clump of cells can have life before passing through the enchanted vaginal fluid is if the woman decides it does, which I certainly didn't." she scientifically reminds them.  "I didn't want babies then." 

Upon asking Dr. Brian Hampton M.D., her assertion was confirmed. "Prior to passing through the vaginal fluids, a clump of cells remains exactly that: a clump of cells. If the mother decides she wants to keep said clump of cells, however, it supernaturally turns into a person and we will do our utmost to ensure it's safe passage into this world." 

Witnesses confirm that Dr. Hampton while assists women in the removal of kidney stones on a regular basis, he simultaneously goes to great lengths to save those chosen for life, even going as far as performing emergency surgery on those who would otherwise been deemed insentient. 

Karter and her babies are faring well. Her only regret is that "...the decision is irreversible. I can randomly decide whether or not a clump of cells is alive, but once it has been anointed with vaginal fluids, it forever remains a person."  


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