Friday, December 2, 2016

The Child Nobody Asked For

"But we love each other!" What's the worst that can happen? You get pregnant? It happens all the time. You can just get married, have the baby, and you all will live happily ever after, right?

Wrong. So so very wrong. Let me tell you what it is like to be The Child Nobody Asked For.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, you wonder how different your family's life would have been if you had never existed. Did you cement their plans, or smash their dreams? Would they have been better off without you?

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, you don't see yourself as a precious gift from God. You see yourself as an inconvenience. You know are not one for whom your parents prayed.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, you see yourself as a problem to be fixed, a past to be redeemed from. Your every sin is proof of your parents' rebellion, your every gift only a validation for their decisions. You aren't loved for who you are, but for the promise you bring of redemption... if only you can fulfill it.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, you're no one's favored child. You're not the one on whom they dote. You're not the one that is shielded, protected, and sheltered. You're not the one for whom no one could ever be good enough.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, God as a Father means a god who cares for you only because He has to... not because He wants to. You're an inconvenience, a thorn in His side. And God as a Nurturer means a god who is grooming you to be who He wants you to be, not loving you for who you are now.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, no relationship remains untainted by fear. You fear to ask for help, because you might be an inconvenience yet again. You fear that every friend you have is only there out of some sense of duty, that they wish to leave the conversation... leave you entirely. You fear that no one will ever ask for you.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, every single aspect of your life seems to demonstrate to you that you're not desired. That you are not wanted. You are a duty, an inconvenience, a responsibility forced upon the unwilling.

When you're The Child Nobody Asked For, you can never be the same as the rest.

Yes, you may love each other. But the real question is, do you love me: your future child? Is this really the future you want to force upon me? Nevermind how pre-marital sex makes dissatisfaction in marriage just short of certain. Nevermind birth control and how it greatly reduces your chances of having children at all, let alone healthy and happy ones.   What about when the birth control doesn't work? What about that one time when you skip it in a moment of passion? Is this really the life you want for me?

God has redeemed me and shown me how most of what I believed about myself due to being The Child Nobody Asked For was a lie, and praise to Him for it. This is not about pitying me, but about demonstrating how devastating it really is to be a child born out of wedlock in hopes of encouraging couples to reconsider promiscuity.

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